Skip to main content

Ugh. Mother's Day.

The week leading up to Mother's Day gets worse and worse for me as Sunday approaches. The ads for flowers and cards, the super sweet social media posts I see about all the amazing, kickass mamas out there, the Pandora ads for jewelry as I write this very blog...they make for a tough week.

Mother's Day is tough for people for all kinds of reasons. My reasons are kinda weird, but I'm me and that shouldn't surprise you. The first is that, honestly, I was hoping to be a mom by now. That was the plan anyway. Instead of a baby, I got a divorce! You may get that story one day, but for now you get to hear about one of 2 very toxic relationships in my life. Lucky you!

The big reason Mother's Day is so tough for me is because I'm one of those people who....wait for it....doesn't have a relationship with my mom. GASP! 

The no-relationship-with-the-woman-who-gave-me-life fact makes people REALLY uncomfortable. Uncomfortable and opinionated. Being honest and sharing about my life opens me up to peoples' opinions. I get that. What I don't get is the inability for people to attempt to sympathize with my situation. I get lots of "advice". That advice is as equally plentiful as it is infuriating:

"Some people wish they had their mother's around. You're lucky."
"No mother is perfect."
"I know how you feel. My mom can be a real jerk sometimes."
And my FAVORITE, "It's not the Christian thing to do." (seriously, go fuck yourself)

If your reaction is any of the above, then that makes me happy for you. You probably don't understand the true meaning of the term, "parental inconsistency". You probably haven't grown up being told you aren't worth loving. You've probably never had to make the difficult decision of choosing between this person you've done your best to love and your own mental well being. And you know what? I think that's awesome! Truly. I love seeing healthy relationships between children and their parents because those relationships give me faith in this life.

Mother's Day will be tough because I don't want it to be like this any more than I'm sure she does. However, none of that changes the fact my life is more consistent and my mental health is better without my mom around. Yes, it makes me sad to not have a relationship with her and every Mother's Day forces me to mourn the lack of that relationship. Please don't be sad for me, though. I don't need pity. I just ask that you respect that my life is different and my reasons why are valid. All I ask is you not treat me like a monster because of it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Goodbye.

 “I don’t know if I should congratulate you or console you.” - Craig “How about both?” - Me This was a conversation in our kitchen earlier this week. After a year and a half of weekly therapy, I had my last session with my therapist Tuesday. Not because I was over it or because it wasn’t working or because he retired. Nope. Because we got to a place where we could both say I’ve got the tools I need to move on. I have to say that there is no timeline for therapy and every situation is unique. I moved on from intensive therapy with my therapist because that it was worked for ME. I am certainly no expert and I have a feeling this isn’t the end of my therapy forever, but I do know that my experience with the right person allowed me to heal in ways I literally never thought possible. And it gave me the experience of a healthy “goodbye”. I was never prepared for that, so when we set an end date (not-so-coincidentally my Nanna’s birthday), it was hard to process. No one talks ab...

Daughter.

When you're estranged from not one, but basically both parents, the heaviness of that can still be palpable. Most days, most weeks, and months even, it's fine. I've learned to navigate questions like, "Where do your parents live?" or the weird feeling in my gut when someone says, "Oh, my mom sent me this from this favorite place of mine." I've learned how to adjust to Mother's and Father's Days by staying off of social media and doing something that makes me happy like getting out into nature. Some of these times are better than others. Here's the thing: whether or not the choice to go no contact with the two people who were supposed to show you all the basis of love was good or not, is incredibly difficult. Because social media is what it is, yesterday was apparently "International Daughters Day". It didn't bother me so much yesterday, but this morning wasn't off to a great start and for some reason, I felt agitated. I ...

Bikes!

Twenty years ago this month, I moved to Georgia and got a job at a local bike shop. My long-term boyfriend from my early twenties was an avid cyclist and bike mechanic. He had gotten a job wrenching at a local shop, Bicycles Unlimited. I was 19 and looking for a retail job since, at that point, it was all I knew. The shop was owned by a family and they were welcoming to this young girl working there with ZERO experience. I started on the sales floor and moved on to inventory management. It was my first foray into the inner workings of small businesses. More importantly, this was my introduction to the bicycle industry which has been one of the most meaningful relationships I've ever had.  I'd say 75% of the people I know in my life can be credited to a bicycle. Whether it be through rides, shops, or sponsors... I have met some of the most inspiring and influential people because of a BIKE. Some of the most fulfilling experiences I've had have been on a bike or because of bi...